Wow, I have been a stranger to blogging for so long that I didn't realize AOL has such a vast array of choices for "Mood" now. From enlightened to bitchy to vibrant? What, do they have a therapist working for them?
I woke up today in a *mood*. And it was not what I would refer to as a jolly one (raging B---H comes to mind;) I am not sure what brought it on, but apparently it was a long time coming. Thank God my man went to work early. He would definitely not enjoyed being in my presence all day in this *mood* of mine.
After spending the better part of my morning lamenting various conditions, I got nostalgic and started re-reading various journal entries. Mary always makes me smile. Nelishia and her past troubles, everything she went through to finally have the wonderful husband and life that she has deserved for so long. Erin and her heartache. Somehow, I ended up at Kimberleigh's. I think of her often, and miss her terribly. I sat at my computer and cried for some time, but as I continued reading her early entries, I found I had a smile on my face. Kim and I were friends via e-mail and journals for three years. We never met, yet she was a close friend. And reading her journal made me remember what an incredible attitude and love for life she had. Even at the very end, she was optimistic, didn't complain, and loved making people smile. How Jim, the kids, and her family and friends must feel her absence. She had such a powerful presence. I pray God helps them find some solace in what a wonderful legacy she left.
That being said, this collective writing community served to lift my mood and spirits. That is pretty amazing that a group of people whom I HAVE NEVER MET can have such a powerful, positive influence.
Dialogue with myself this morning: I don't really like this Coach purse my mother bought me. It is not one that I would have picked out.
Now: Someone BOUGHT you a Coach purse. Stop being a brat and just appreciate that you have a motherthat is loving enough to surprise you with a gift. Especially in my current situation: Champagne taste, beer budget. Lobster taste, hot dog budget. Carry the Coach purse and shutup.
This morning: It is so freaking hot in Atlanta. Beginning of June and it is 97 degrees and 80% humidity. Can you say MISERABLE??
Now: You can stay inside with the AC cranked up all day long. You can walk 20 feet from your front door and get in a beautiful swimming pool. Some people are forced to work, manual labor, outside, all day long. GET OVER IT.
This morning: Why does my boyfriend have to be a vegetarian? I REALLY want to cook a pot roast.
Now: He has never asked you to cater to him in the kitchen. He would be fine making himself a grilled cheese sandwich. Cook yourself a damn pot roast, and take the leftovers to your grandmother. She loves pot roast, and she would love to see you.
This morning: The new girl who highlighted my hair got it way too blonde. I was not going for the Marilyn Monroe meets Pamela Anderson look. Just some highlights is all I really wanted.
Now: Some people have cancer. They don't care if they have hair or not - they just care about spending another day with loved ones.
WOW. I AM SO GLAD I GOT OVER MYSELF ;)
13 comments:
I still cry and think about Kim a lot. She had such a huge impact on people. She was funny even in sickness and just plain great. She is missed by all. I like your new attitude. I would really love to go swimming so go hop in the pool.
Marla
You are so right, we all need to be thankful for what we have, I know I do.......... send me the purse lolol.............. hugs, Sherry
To be in a bad mood you certainly put yourself in the right perspective very fast! Your BF is a vegetarian? That's interesting to me as we're meat and potatoes people here. Journals do pick me up but the latest entry I made in my journal will not cheer you up by any means or take you to a good place. I still miss Kimberleigh alot and cannot erase her from my side bar or my IM list. I'm so glad that the smile was at last put on your face. You deserve happiness too my friend.
HUGS,
Nelishia Whittemore
I would call this entry: GIRL AWARE. So many people *itch *itch *itch & never come to the realizations you do, let alone right away. As a matter of a fact, at your lowest time, you didn't journal or complain at all. For all the things you have been thru, you are still standing, & working on making a new life for yourself. You could make a soy pot roast ;-) {ack}
~Mary
I feel like I have gotten to know you a little bit with this entry. And cook that pot roast and send me the leftovers. LOL Have a good Tuesday and stay cool.
Phil
i said the same thing about the mood options..
loved this entry..very inspiring..
lyn
http://journals.aol.com/ukgal36/Britsblog/
Ashlee, I am just so glad that you are back.. and this morning I woke up in a "mood" too, but you know what? Reading what you said here, and remembering how optimistic and positive Kim was, in lieu of her situation, I have nothing to be complaining about, and EVERYTHING to be grateful for.
So.. thank you for helping me to "get over MYSELF" as well!
Hugs and love and a big welcome back to Jland!
Jackie
LOL....yep journaling can be very therapeutic!! Wishing you a great week...Gald that you are back...Hugs,TerryAnn
I think the self talk worked....
You seem better already.
Dont be so hard on yourself ok ??
Things take time.
You have alot of freinds here and we all care about you.
Isn't it funny how you can realize your blessings, yet curse them as well. Sounds like you've done a lot of maturing...we could all use a dose of that from time to time. Kudos to you for talking yourself out of that mood, or at least putting it into perspective!
xoxo ~Myra
I guess I'll repeat what the others have said...I am glad you are back!
Reading this entry made me realize how content I am in my life at this moment. Some of the heartbreak has lessened and the sadness has lifted. Life does go on.
I think sometimes we all need a reality check...and sometimes it comes from within. :)
Love ya babe!!
XX
Gillie
Glad to see you are back and posting! Linda
Ashlee, this was FANTASTIC! I'm loving it - good job. :)
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